The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? Carson quickly revealed his personal bowl of potato chips hidden strategically behind the desk and Myrtles shock turned into uncomfortable laughter. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Carnac the Magnificent. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Q: Name two words that have no meaning. doctors. Inning. Click here to be a writer! The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? Line: 24 Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. Carson 500's, The 1985. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's . The Answer: No more years! The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. A: Rough cut. The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? B. A: Green thumb. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. The Question: What words of encouragement can you give to a person with a kidney stone? So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. KeyCastr. Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? A: The 11th Hour. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat Line: 107 A: All the President's men. In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. the Denver Nuggets. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Q: What do you use to fry a peter? Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! Our Story; Our Chefs Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? A: Mop and Glow. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? A: 2001. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? A: Double hernia. , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] A: The Laughing Policeman. CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . A: Unleash. Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. Zippo? Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. Show"? Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to A: Milk and honey. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. up your turban. dickory? Watch now: Free with ads. Get Image Page 1 of 4 jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? Gotta be The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. A: Old wives tale. A: Los Angeles Dodgers. A: A thousand clowns. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman Curses, Curses, Curses . The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. A: Superbowl. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? Key'n'Stroke. The answer was always an outrageous pun. A: Kaiser wrap. us? Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. A: Fondue. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com ANSWER: Gatorade. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. . Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. A: "Here's Boomer." , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. A: Sex. A: Bi-focal. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. Q: What do you call a military coup led by General NO ONE! Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. Commissary. Contents A: Pussy Willow. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? A: Dustin Hoffman. Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? [1] , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." . We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. A: Ironware. Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. A: Rub-a-dub-dub. Q: Who was just arrested for impersonating a baseball team? I hope it makes you laugh. A: Disjoint. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. A: 50 miles per hour. , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. Is that a reptile? The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? hope chest. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. A: Kumquat. Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. Line: 315 Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. Return to Humor Page A: Burn the candle at both ends. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. A: Planter's Punch. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. . (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). The Answer: They found no brain activity. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. work? Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? Margaret's door? JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. A: Stick 'em up! May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: WKRP In Cincinnati. The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. Get Image Page 2 of 4 While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. you? Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California A: Over 15 billion served. , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. Carnac the Magnificent was a role played by Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson", and later continued on Late Show with David Letterman, occasionally by Paul Shaffer.One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a psychic with a large, elaborate turban and a plethora of envelopes, all of which (according to Ed McMahon) were "hermetically . bathroom? I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. Q: What happens when your lorne rots? ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. sister. A: "Yes man." A: Ultra-conservative. seats. (the curse). Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Oh, I forgot! One? compartment in your sister. Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . A: 60 Minutes. "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). A: Rosy red cheeks. (Crowd cheers) #10. During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! . (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. A: Double trouble. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. Explanation of WPA. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. Q: Name two rams and a goat. Question Man". A: Buddy Holly. The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. alley? Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. A: Lorne Green. RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney.